Persephone

This isn't done yet. I'm still working on it but I really like it and I've been dying to type it up and share it with you all!! I'll keep working on it till I'm in love, but for now I have a really big poetic crush on it!! =D ENJOY!

In Response: “People run away just to see if anyone is following”

From someone who has run away often. I found that he will never follow far enough. Going only as far as I am willing to put out but never as far as when I hold back. So when I meet a man I wonder, would he follow as far as my fears will take me. Then push me beyond my nightmares to make me frightened of more than I ever thought to fear because I never knew I had so much courage. I never imagined I could be so brave. To face my demons, bones trembling, voice quivering resolve unsure but still face to face with that which haunts my evenings rest. Face to face and ready to take the test.

I never ask a man what he dreams like; I know he dreams big beautiful techni-color futures like I do. I’d rather know what he nightmares like. Reality vivid. Gasping for air. Heart race. Turn around and see his killer’s face. So clear he can pick it out of a line up. It is Fear. It is Pride, Anxiety, Stubbornness, Vanity. It is You. If you’re honest, you know that it’s true.

Do his night terrors scream out loud like: I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. But if I am? What happens when dreaming ends and all I am left with is nightmare? I don’t think I ever want to get there.

Is that why you never quite let yourself go there?

Luckily, I make my own dreams come true. That is not what I want from you.
Not a hero through and through, just the strongest man in you, to follow me Persephone beyond the grass and shady trees. Hold me till the quaking ends and I can stand and fight again the demons that are now at hand. 

Just a kiss... ?!?!

... That I didn't want!!! or ask for!!

Scenario:

My mom set me up on a date. Yeah, already a bad idea right? But I figured why not try it out? I had just started dating again I wasn't really meeting anyone new and I had met the guy once before so why not! Not like it was a blind date with my mom's co-worker's relative. Oh hindsight how I wish you were foresight.

The beginning of the night went really well. The "date" went well also. He picked me up from home. We went to this sushi place and it was yummy! They were closing so we went to Denny's for dessert. Since we were having fun we went to this other Japanese place and before we knew it, it was 2 ish?

The problem wasn't the date. Or him for that matter I guess. The problem was when I started thinking, Hey, this guys kinda awesome. We could end up being really great friends. 


And there it was. He was mentally friend zoned. I don't know exactly when or where it happened but it did. I just didn't see us getting any closer than we already were at that moment. I thought he was on the same page. I mean there was no connection! I thought!

Apparently, we were on two very different pages. Maybe two different books because when he dropped me off at my door I was going in for a hug and the next thing I knew I was being kissed!

What the ef word! How did I send out the wrong signals? Was I being too friendly? Did I not lean away far enough? I GUESS NOT!!!

The moments that followed were awkward. The kiss was a peck but it was enough to make the next words he uttered cause me to shy farther away from him in reluctance to say "Not anytime soon".

"Well I had fun, when can we do this again?"

Goodness never I hope.

The kiss at least. I would have been okay with us hanging out again as friends. He was a great guy. Just not great to be my guy?!?! I don't know I just didn't feel the chemistry.

Why do I consider this a fail? I failed at properly displaying that I didn't see this relationship going any further than friendship. What was I supposed to do though?

Minor DELAY-mas: STITCHES!!!

Minor DELAY-mas: STITCHES!!!: "Okay. I've been trying to find something to say other than LMAO or LOL. Honestly, it's getting lame. Here are some reason's why. 1. No one..."

Times when I feel most Single

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/the-times-when-i-feel-most-single/

I haven't got through reading this yet but from what I have read, I LOVE IT!!! This guys got me in stitches agreeing to everything he's saying.

I feel most single when I'm getting ready to go somewhere and I'm dressing up really pretty. Then I realize I don't have anyone to dress up for. Seriously what am I doing? Dressing up for the hot guy who isn't noticing me? Yeah, there's more but I want to read this guys thought catalog first. ENJOY!

You know you're fail when....

Wow... I was hanging out with my gay straight friend. He's my gay straight friend because he supplies the companionship of a gay friend who is COMPLETELY platonic but he's straight. Not many people understand our relationship but if you have a gay straight friend, you know what I mean. Okay, then before that I was talking to my cousin; this is what I've learned from talking to them about my first free drink from a bartender EVER!!!! (Read about that in Social Cues)

I FAIL!

According to my gay straight friend I am one of the flirtiest girls he knows EXCEPT when it comes to guys I might actually be interested in OR might actually be interested in me.

According to my cousin, he knows how to flirt with men better than I do.

Case and point:

GSF tells me the perfect line to have said to the bartender to get a conversation going INSTEAD of running away.

"So do you give free drinks out to every girl?"

OR some sly remark similar to that. What ever so I couldn't come up with it on my own because I FREAKED OUT! I got nervous I wasn't sure?!?! It's like that Ikea commercial, when the lady thinks she's getting everything at way too good of a deal that maybe she's stealing stuff. It's not a bargain, IT'S A STEAL!! So she's running out the store calling to her husband to start the car because she thinks she's stealing. Yeah, that's how I felt! Lame but I don't have cool moves. Deep down in the cockles of my soul...

The Other Paramedic's Fail

So this time I myself did not fail. HE failed.

We were taking my gma from TCC to another facility and I was a little stressed because I didn't want my gma to leave that facility. There was also just a lot going on that day. I was at my cousins graduation. Oorah!! You're a marine cousin!!! You're amazing I love you!!!

Right so the story. I rushed what should have been a two hour drive and turned it into about an hour and a half with a little traffic. Also, I just wasn't in the happiest of places and I'm sure it was visible to the world. I tried to stay calm but so much was rushing through my mind. Like, how am i going to get to the viewing later if i just gave my cousin my car? What is this new place like and will they take care of my gma? I wonder how my stressed out mother is holding up. Just you know A LOT!

So we're in the back of the ambulance and he's asking me questions about my gma. Relevant questions. Any recent surgeries. Illnesses, allergies the like. he was trying to be kind and keep my mind occupied but I could tell he was also trying to ask me out because every so often the conversation would turn to me. Questions like so what were you doing in San Diego? What are you doing this weekend?

Minor DELAY-mas: Persephone

Minor DELAY-mas: Persephone: "This isn't done yet. I'm still working on it but I really like it and I've been dying to type it up and share it with you all!! I'm keep wor..."