EPIC FAIL!

So I was looking through my Facebook to find a post about this particular fail of mine.. I guess it wasn't a post it was a text or something I wrote somewhere else but looking through it I realized that my biggest and most EPIC fail moment... is not noticing that the guy I spent a majority of my life crushing on actually did like me back!... there were hints EVERYWHERE but I'm the worlds biggest idiot. How did I not see that?

It's not even that I'm reading to far into it. That I'm turning little things into signs. This isn't "he's just not that into you". HE WAS INTO ME!! but I am a retard! and now the opportunity has passed because WOW... I hate you Facebook.

P.S. I hope he doesn't read this. eek!

COSMO

soo... I haven't posted anything about my failing at dating because I've been so poet/writer addicted. So just before I clock in I'd like to share one.

When I first started working at Express, I decided to put some Cosmo article about flirting to the test. Honestly, I didn't think it would work because I have Retentive UDS, but it did! A lot of the key things the article suggested were eye contact, physical contact, attentive (using things he says in your next sentence). Little things that really get a guys attention. I couldnt believe it worked!

The first time i tried it on a midly attractive fellow and i mostly used eye contact and being attentive and if i tried a little harder i probably could have gotten a number but I wasn't single yet so that would not have been good.

I miss my COMPUTER!!!

So... I've been posting via ipad and phone recently because my computer is buuhrrroken!!! n I miss it ever so much.

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SORRY I got disstracted by american idol and OMG... WHY ARE THEY LIP SINGING!?!?!?! LAME!!!!

James Durben u should have been a finalist. I love my country boy but James was better. I think I'll come back to this after American Idol

I AM UPSET!!!!

Lauren should have won!

Anyway, I miss my computer. Blogging and Facebook and watching shows on hulu and stuff would be sooo much easier... I have a lot to say. like the conversation i had with my uncle the other day. and other fail moments none that happened recently but yeah... ok i need to sleep.

Ugly Duckling Syndrome

I finished it. I had time to kill and I sat down with it and I like it! I hope you do too!

UDS


You are so hot! Is not something I hear very often. I heard it a lot as a kid followed by my mom telling me I was running a fever. I hear cute, a lot. You are so cute! Is annoying, because some woman is simultaneously pinching your cheeks; which by the way, I hate. Yes, they are chubby. Yes, its cute. No, they are not public property, don't touch me.

Cute, is also what a guy says when you're not 'pretty'. Thank God I'm a bitch because I'd hate to be nice. We all know what nice means. No one wants to say it out loud but 'nice' means - actually I don't want to be the to say it out loud either. It's like one step down from cute and cute isn't that much of an upgrade. It goes: nice, cute, pretty, hot and sexy I think is in it's own little category right because you can be cute and sexy. Then theres all the other rankings and combinations, but if I had to break it down into classes those would be mine.

Iyeoka - The Yellow Brick Road Song (Fairly Legal Theme)

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIykDz7NI2s&feature=youtube_gdata_player

This is the first feature from last night!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

C-Live Impossible

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LihpaibwTO4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

VIRAL!!!!

i want this guy to blow up!!! he's gna b tight!!!

Poetic Adventures

Ok, first, I swear my GPS is actualy trying to kill me. She sent me on this huge U-turn adventure theoretically to get to the lounge faster but ummm NO... that was not he case. At first I was like well I guess this is ok, I have time to kill and it's scenic, you know, until IT WASN'T. Seriously, I was driving through ghetto and back allies. The little version of my mom that I keep in my head, that causes me to sometimes be a paranoid freak, was yelling at me. First of all, for turning onto a street name stocker. I pronounce it stalker, GPS lady says stoker for some reason. Why do I trust a woman that can't read? And not to be sexist but why is a woman giving me directions? I'm not too sure what I did to my GPS chick, she's probably mad because I make fun of the way she says 'la cienega'. No joke she says "la see a niggah". Anyhoo, short story shorter I no longer trust my GPS lady.

OH! BUT THEN, on the way home I made a right instead of a left somewhere because I didn't want to use the GPS; like I said she wants me dead. Also, I was in LA. Who knows where that crazy woman was going to take me. Well, I ended up making a wrong turn and had to ask her for directions anyway. She thinks, she funny. She goes, 'turn left at la cienega'. I'm thinking 'ok really because I don't even see where or how I'm suppose to turn onto that street'. I honestly don't believe I could physically have done it. So I made a few asian female driver illegal turns and ended up going in the right direction. After I had driven waaaaay off course.

So I find the 10 freeway and I'm telling myself, 'go SW' and I get on the 10W. I figured I'd check with GPS (lets call her Gina) just in case I'm wrong and end up driving even further off course. Gina says, "exit refroferoff" (Robertson?) I forget the name of the street but as I'm exiting I caught a glimpse of the next few exits. What did I see? 'San Diego Freeway 2.5 miles' or however far it was. The point is I was trying to get to the 405 SAN DIEGO freeway and the crazy woman said to exit! WTF!?!?!?! NO JOKE, I checked the directions and where she wanted me to end up. It read 405S! It was right there!!! I didn't have to exit!!!

Whatever, I figured it out and I only had to drive like sereral miles out of the way to finally get home because Gina is out to get me. I DO NOT trust my GPS right now.

As far as going to an event solo? Yeah... I picked the wrong event to go to. It's like going to the movies alone you look like a loser but you get over it. I need to find a social event of an aquaintance so I can't just linger around him/her, because that's weird and he/she would get the wrong impression. Soooo...

Situation 1 - Ammended

Go to a social gathering alone.

The opportunity to go to this particular event alone was nice though. I got to work on my anxiety. Found out that Gina hates me and I shouldn't always trust her.

OH! There's a guy named Clive, his pieces never fail to amuse me. They made him do 'Impossible' again.. holy hell that shiz is so funny! "IMPOSSIBLE, OH! Nothing is impossible, I'm so ill I make this shit look easy. IMPOSSIBLE, OH!!". He also did some other piece, don't know what its called. But homies like "i mean back when we chiledren" hahahahaha "chiledren" who freaking says that!!! but it worked for his piece/song whatever.... this guy is going to blow up! Next big hit? I think so! I feel it in my BONES! I need to find his Facebook or something he's HI-larious!!

A woman named Ioca (like tapIOCA) was the first feature. Soo in love right now...

Writing, poetry, performance. This is the scene I need to be in and I'm so grateful to be in it. Next week, I challenge myself to get up on stage again. I'm so exccited!!! and nervous!!!

As promised

As promised I'm at the poetry lounge, alone. Literally caused pain in my heart and back.. had my hands shaking n I feel like dying!! BUT that couldd be because it's soo cold! So.. stay for both halves? We shall see what the even brings... so far.. my gps got me lost... and im having panic attacks.. grrrreat!

EEK!

Soooooo... Today's the day! I'm going to try going to an event alone. I'M FREAKING OUT!!! What am I going to do whilst I wait in line? ALONE! Where should I sit? Should I walk in with confidence like I don't give a rats ass that I'm alone or should I hide. I'm coming up with excuses NOT to go alone. What if my cousins want to go? They usually go with me. It's kind of our thing. I have a friend I haven't seen in a while that might want to go as well and it'd be nice to hang out with her. Seriously, any excuse will do.

My skin is crawling, my stomach's churning, death is eminent. I can feel it in my gut. Does everyone need to practice feeling alone or is it just me? It's kind of funny that I'd need to "practice" being alone. I'm the ONLY child of a single mother who lost her lover at the hands of another. so she threw herself entirely into raising her husband's 7 month old daughter having no time to find another lover. (Just wanted to throw that in... hahaha its a part of apiece Im working on)

OOPS! Back to work I go.

FU Facebook!

No. For real. I'm looking through facebook because I'm at PLCM TCC waiting for my aunt, who may or may no come by the way. Not too sure because no one can find her. In a world where EVERYONE has a cell phone, and I think even she has a cell phone, how is it that NO ONE knows where this woman is? She has FOUR kids SEVEN sibings and countless frineds but no one knows where the hell she is or how to get ahold of her WTF?

SORRY, I got side tracked. But like I said I'm waiting for my missing aunt to relieve me of my gma watching duties so I can sleep and go to work in the morning. So onto facebook I go and I realize that pretty much EVERYONE I KNOW is in some sort of relationship or another.

The universe is not making it easy for me to feel comfortable in my single woman skin. I'm what 2? maybe 3 days into my adventure and I already want to quit and FIND myself a man! Not wait for the man to magically appear because I've given up on love. I mean doesn't that sound like THE MOST retarded idea EVER? Sure previous methods weren't working, but waiting around for rain in the dessert during a drought is POINTLESS!

ARGHHH! I hate you! All of you and your happy relationships and mens and womens that you've found to cuddle with and be cute and sweet to and love and blah blah blah... you make it soo difficult to be single. ESP when YOU'RE ALL IN IT TOGETHER!!!!

I need to find single friends, also trying to find themselves in their singularity. Does that defeat the purpose? Let's momentarily pretend it does't, yeah? Ok thanks!

I feel so alone!!! (Pulling at face Edvard Munch's The Scream status)

HAHAHA... Maybe you don't know me but chances are you do. So I hope you know that last line was loaded with sarcasm and was meant to be funny. Sigh.

I just need to go home and rest. This place is driving me crazy!!! The noises, the whiny roommates my Lola gets stuck with, inconsistent sleep. Uncomfortable chair, "she'll be coming 'round the mountain" playing every time someone tries to get out of bed. I'm not the patient type of person. I try, but seriously..... WHERE IS MY AUNT!!

UDS

It's my day off and I forgot to explain my Ugly Duckling Syndrome Theory. It's pretty self explanatory though right?

So basically, it's a syndrome that many a girl has these days. "Duckling," grows up being told that she's not the best looking girl or just never quite felt like the most gorgeous girl but then suddenly she becomes a "swan" and all the guys are after her. She doesn't know why because she doesn't realize how beautiful she is and no matter what others tell her she can't or won't believe it. It's great when she comes to terms with it and still keeps her humility.

There's also the girl who realizes that she's hot and really just takes off with it but inside there's still that lingering feeling that maybe she's still not hot, but she's going to be a conceited little twat anyway. Ugh, that kinda of UDS is bad!

Well, they're both bad in different ways I suppose, but it's the difference between anal retentive and anal expulsive. Hmmmm... good idea.

Retentive UDS - classification for the type of girl who keeps her humility. insecurities are obvious but does her best not to draw attention to them.

Expulsive UDS - classification for the type of girl that really explodes after she finds out how gorgeous she is. Has lingering insecurity issues masked by huge ego.

I'll add to that later. My gma's holding my hand and it's hard to type with just one hand.

Expansions to come...

First here's the beginnings of something I wrote. There's more to it but I've got to really sit down and finish writing it.

CEASAR - So embarrassing

If I was of the blushing persuasion I would have been Kool-Aid red. But instead I was a deeper shade of orange like burnt orange. It was ridiculous.

So again I was at work. And of course a cute guys walks in.

At first I was all nonchalant and I didn't care. Did the usual:

"Hi, how are you doing today? Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Yeah, I'm doing ok. I'm just looking for an outfit to go to Vegas. It's my first time."

"Wow, really? How old are you?"

"23. Yeah I know it's kind of embarrassing. I'm 23 and I've never been to Vegas"

blah blah blah...

Basically, he was asking what people usually wear to Vegas.

"Haven't you seen the Hangover? Pick one of those outfits." hahaha

So I proceed to show him the different styles of dress shirts that we have.

"Your basic dress shirt is the 1MX, the original and very first Express shirt. Then you have the MK2. Its the military style shirt with the breast pockets and epilettes. And the last one the is the TX8...."

So this is where the failure begins. I was trying to explain that the best part about the TX8 is that they don't have buttons they have snaps. Which means they can be put on quickly. That's the sales pitch at least. The Texas 8, can be snapped up within 8 seconds. Only I couldn't a find shirt that was already unsnapped, which was odd because customers NEVER resnap/button up the shirts after they try them on. So I decided to unsnap a shirt and show him... FAIL!!!

FAILing at work - JAMES

Since I haven't yet had the opportunity to test out my scenario and I need to keep up with this or I'll just forget and stop, I would like to tell a story. A true amusing story, just so I know that you know or understand how much I fail at dating... there are sooo many though, which should I tell first?

JAMES - Should've said yes

I QUIT

People say, "once you stop looking for love, love finds you". I have spent an entire year and a half NOT looking and where has that got me? I'm still single. So I took a look at the past year of my "dating" life. I, like most women, was lying to myself. I wasn't blatantly trying to find someone, but I did kind of dive right into the dating world when my relationship ended. I kept telling myself and every guy I met, "I'm not looking for anything right now, I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready for another one". How can that woman be looking for love? She's a damn liar!
So this year, I QUIT. That's not to say that I won't go on dates; which isn't to say that anyone's asking. Just, no set ups, no being aggressively single. Although, I've never seen myself as the "aggressively single" type. I know people who are and they're amazing; how do you do that? They only ever stay single for like TWO weeks and BAM another love interest then WHAM they're in another relationship. You serial daters are INSANE!!! and cool. But I'm not that girl, I think, I could be lying, again. For that, I'm sorry, in advance.
Back to the point. No set ups. No looking for the finest guy in the room and secretly trying to get his attention. Just walk into every situation trying to finally be comfortable in your own single woman skin. And for once in my life believe in the feigned confidence because I have every right to be confident enough to walk into a room alone.

Situation 1: Go to events solo.

To finally force myself to be comfortable in my singularity.

I ALWAYS have to bring a crew (CUZZO!!) so I don't feel like a loser when I walk into a room alone. So, going to events solo is the adventure at hand. Shows, gigs, whatever. We'll see how my skin feels then and I'll get back at you!

Be well!

PTgreey <3