UDS

It's my day off and I forgot to explain my Ugly Duckling Syndrome Theory. It's pretty self explanatory though right?

So basically, it's a syndrome that many a girl has these days. "Duckling," grows up being told that she's not the best looking girl or just never quite felt like the most gorgeous girl but then suddenly she becomes a "swan" and all the guys are after her. She doesn't know why because she doesn't realize how beautiful she is and no matter what others tell her she can't or won't believe it. It's great when she comes to terms with it and still keeps her humility.

There's also the girl who realizes that she's hot and really just takes off with it but inside there's still that lingering feeling that maybe she's still not hot, but she's going to be a conceited little twat anyway. Ugh, that kinda of UDS is bad!

Well, they're both bad in different ways I suppose, but it's the difference between anal retentive and anal expulsive. Hmmmm... good idea.

Retentive UDS - classification for the type of girl who keeps her humility. insecurities are obvious but does her best not to draw attention to them.

Expulsive UDS - classification for the type of girl that really explodes after she finds out how gorgeous she is. Has lingering insecurity issues masked by huge ego.

I'll add to that later. My gma's holding my hand and it's hard to type with just one hand.

Expansions to come...

First here's the beginnings of something I wrote. There's more to it but I've got to really sit down and finish writing it.



UDS - Ugly Duckling Syndrome

You are so hot! Is not something I hear very often. I heard it a lot as a kid followed by my mom telling me I was running a fever. I hear cute a lot. You are so cute, is annoying. Because some woman is simultaneously pinching your cheeks; which, by the way, I hate. Just because I have chubby cheeks does not give you the right to touch them! They’re mine, and that hurts!

Cute, is also what a guy says when you’re not pretty. Thank God I’m a bitch because I’d hate to be nice. We all know what “nice” means. No one wants to say it out loud but “nice” means – actually I don’t want to be the one to say it out loud either. It’s like one step down from cute and cute isn’t that much of an upgrade. It goes: nice, cute, pretty, hot and sexy I think is in its own little category right because you can be cute and sexy. And then there’s all the other rankings but I think if it had to be broken down into classes those would be mine.

Long story short I grew up cute with the mentality that I was nice. Because no one ever said pretty and I only ever wanted to be pretty. But eventually I stopped caring and decided it was easier to make friends if I wasn’t trying to compete with pretty. And nice meant that “pretty” girls weren’t intimidated so I was “allowed” to be their friend and I could just hang out with the guys and it wasn’t awkward so I was nice. And I convinced myself that it was ok. Someday, nice would be good enough for someone?

And then one day someone called me pretty so I laughed. And then he asked “why are you laughing?” so I said “you called me pretty” as if he was supposed to know that he’s the only guy in the world that thinks that. So he said “no seriously, you’re beautiful”. Beautiful. I think that’s in it’s own category too right. Kind of like sexy. Beautiful? Wow. All I ever wanted to be was pretty and he called me beautiful which shattered my perception of myself. I don’t know how to be beautiful.

So jokingly I told him “you don’t have to say that I know I’m not the hottest color in the crayon box. I’m like a mild green? Not that dookie looking color. You see I don’t sizzle I just pop! I’m like, the green you pick up after you realize that neon is just too loud. I’m the kind of color you can settle down with. The background to the meadows you want to lie in. So yeah, I guess that’s beautiful in a cute kind of way.”

Followed by awkward silence which I then filled with “I feel like I just turned into a swan.”

So he said “well then can I be your pond? Because I want to be that soothing kind of blue that holds you. The kind of blue you can feel safe in” and then kissed me.

Sure he broke my heart a few months later but that’s beside the point. I’m beautiful, when all I ever wanted to be was pretty. I guess I’m still getting used to it, but I could definitely get used to it.